*FINAL* Schizophrenia, Evil and Yes [Behind the Epiphany]

Behind the Epiphany

We’ve finally come to the end of the Behind the Epiphany article series. As with each post before it, this is where I share some “behind the scenes” info about some pieces and what led me to write them. All my poems hold specific meanings as they reflect my mental and emotional state at different points in my life during my years in university.

As this is the last post, I’ll be covering 3 poems today (thus, completing all 13 poems). Make sure to check out the last one in case you missed it.

Today I’ll draw things to a close, focusing on: Schizophrenia, Evil and Yes.


Schizophrenia

What’s it about?

This poem was original title “My Thoughts Written and Narrated by Norman Bates “.  Here, I delve into what how I have looked back at some parts of my life and how the plethora of people and experiences that have shaped me are a radically different enough to be cause for concern. The piece also highlights that people shouldn’t be afraid of the different aspects of themselves for the sake of seeming sane.

Why did I write it? Who influenced it?

I have quite an intrigue for learning about mental illness and health. It occurred to me that most terms in that field get used loosely and as such hurts the real discussion that needs to be had by those who actually suffer from mental illness. I use the word ‘ Schizophrenia ‘ loosely as well to eventually the reader know (by the end of the piece) that most of what we’re trying to hide is an idea we use to hold back ourselves from being great. Instead of creating a different you for different occasions, embrace it all.

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Evil

What’s it about?

 You’re like the devil himself, yet created by his hands.

A more straightforward piece that speaks to a being that is only toxic in your life; a being that through mere interactions has turned you into a spawn of their wicked ways.

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Yes

What’s it about?

Yes  is a take on deciding to find positivity in everyday life – whether it’s something that you really want to do or something outside of your comfort zone. It’s encouragement to pursue things without focusing too much on repercussions.

Why did I write it? Who influenced it?

I consider myself a realist that sometimes borders on being a pessimist on a bad day. There were many things I wanted but was too afraid of doing because I was worried about criticisms and failure but then I realized that there’s much more to gain in the long run from just trying as much as possible.


Hope you found these snippets and the entire series insightful if you’ve read the book. If you haven’t and wanna grab a copy of the book, here are the links:

Enjoy!

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River Phoenix and Ear-Splitting Silence [Behind the ‘Epiphany’]

Behind the Epiphany

We’re almost done with the Behind the Epiphany series and I’d like to thank everyone that have interacted with me through the book and those that enjoyed the snippets I’ve been posting. This installation will look at River Phoenix and Ear-Splitting Silence and as you know these posts are some “behind the scenes” info about some pieces and what led me to write them. All my poems hold specific meanings as they reflect my mental and emotional state at different points in my life during my years in university. Here’s the last one if you missed it.


 River Phoenix

What’s it about?

An ode to an actor that was destined for greatness. The piece itself explains the eerie attraction that makes me feel drawn to the idea of he was.

He was perfection, or so everyone thought. He only wanted to be human; not to be admired or worshiped but instead heard, understood, regarded
with the same kindness he always gave to others. But despite all that, he was perfection. He was the perfect tortured soul that stood the test of time despite his demise.

Why did I write it? Who influenced it?

He’s the answer I’ve been looking for and he’s dead (which seems most appropriate). The living today have a way of being under qualified.

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Ear-Splitting Silence

What’s it about?

Imagine all your feelings and thoughts compact into one space; multiplying endlessly, growing exponentially, bursting through every nook and cranny. Imagine being trapped behind that chaos and feeling like you have to navigate through it alone.

Why did I write it? Who influenced it?

This piece is almost a literal diary entry that is a direct reflection of the effects of personal issues on my mental well-being. It was something that I needed to write to try and articulate what I was thinking and how I was feeling without having to directly share it with anyone else. It was almost a cry for help that I stifled with a literary pillow.


Hope you found these snippets insightful if you’ve read the book. If you haven’t and wanna grab a copy of the book, here are the links:

Enjoy!

Excerpt from Geminian and Moments [Behind the ‘Epiphany’]

Behind the Epiphany

In this edition of my Behind the Epiphany articles, I’ll focus Excerpt from Geminian and Moments. As with each installation, this is where I release some “behind the scenes” info about some pieces and what led me to write them. All my poems hold specific meanings as they reflect my mental and emotional state at different points in my life during my years in university. Here’s the last one if you missed it.


Excerpt from Geminian

What’s it about?

This excerpt is from a short story that will be included in my second book Mirror . It looks at a being that personifies the Gemini zodiac sign. It explains the being’s character in it’s entirety; their personality, the way they live and interact all from an onlooker’s POV.

Why did I write it? Who influenced it?

I’m not the biggest fan of zodiac signs and horoscopes but there was a guy in my life – who actually was a Gemini – that fit the basic characteristics of what a Gemini is supposed to be. I had looked up Geminis out of sheer intrigue if someone’s sign can really describe how a person is and was surprised by similarities I could find. The story itself will speak to the span of my relationship with this person and how it changed over two years.

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Moments

What’s it about?

Its really about that split second when you realize who you were and who you are now are drastically different; you’re unrecognizable. The moments are a self-reflection of this new version of yourself that you’ve created for someone else but aren’t happy with. It transitions from admitting something’s wrong to being determined to make everything right again.

Why did I write it? Who influenced it?

Moments was insight into how I had realized that I had changed a lot about myself to fit into the relationship I was in at the time. Someone told me I wasn’t being myself and I hadn’t really figured what they meant until I thought about the things I changed to make my relationship “better”. It’s a letter to myself to not forget that I don’t need to compromise the essence of who I am.


Hope you found these snippets insightful if you’ve read the book. If you haven’t and wanna grab a copy of the book, here are the links:

Enjoy!

We Are and Cycle’s End [Behind the ‘Epiphany’]

Behind the Epiphany

Here’s another addition to my Behind the Epiphany articles. This is where I release some “behind the scenes” info about some pieces and what led me to write them. All my poems hold specific meanings as they reflect my mental and emotional state at different points in my life during my years in university. Here’s the last one if you missed it.

Today I’ll focus on two pieces: We Are and Cycle’s End.


We Are

What’s it about?

This poem is a reminder that there are so many positive things in life to appreciate and they’re usually the little things we often take for granted. We are all apart of a bigger picture but no bigger than the things that make us each unique. It’s a friendly reminder for a rainy day or an extra smile for your good mood.

Why did I write it? Who influenced it?

Imagine suddenly having a realization that there’s much more to life than today’s worries and how each activity could be the next best moment of your life. I was experiencing a sort of “pointless bliss” that I was trying to give meaning to but to no avail but soon decided it needed no explanation. I wanted something to look back to when I was too overwhelmed to remind me that trivial things can make me happy.

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Cycle’s End

What’s it about?

It hurts to see your back all the time.

I have often forgotten your handsome face.

One of the more low-spirited pieces in the book, Cycle’s End, is about the experiencing emotional trauma from someone who was supposed to be a source of love and support. This person seemingly doesn’t realize the pain they’re inflicting and how the subsequent depression affects you both physically and mentally. It shows the gradually descent into misery, then finally choosing to separate one’s self from that person and ending the cycle of sadness.

Why did I write it? Who influenced it?

I wrote this as a direct response to the crisis I felt I was having with having some people in my life. I had a buildup of emotions that I had to write down and hopefully make sense of. I was at a rocky place and wanted a cleanse and this piece was me addressing the pain I felt for the last time.


Hope you found these snippets insightful if you’ve read the book. If you haven’t and wanna grab a copy of the book, here are the links:

Enjoy!

Just Another Rough Day and If You Ask [Behind the ‘Epiphany’]

Behind the Epiphany

Here’s another addition to my Behind the Epiphany articles. This is where I release some “behind the scenes” info about some pieces and what led me to write them. All my poems hold specific meanings as they reflect my mental and emotional state at different points in my life during my years in university. Here’s the last one if you missed it.

Today I’ll focus on two pieces: Just Another Rough Day and If You Ask.


Just Another Rough Day

What’s it about?

You’re having a rough day. Every day is a rough day. You’re so fragile, paper thin, being torn by the simplest of touches.

The title explains it all. This piece is a representation of the lowest point you can reach mentally. It’s almost like a journal entry of self-reflection where you finally admit there’s so much more that’s wrong in your head than you let on. The title itself is quite misleading, as what should be described as “just another rough day” seems more like a continuous internal struggle for happiness, acceptance and being understood. It’s written with “you” instead of “I” as a way to purposely project my own feelings onto the reader – not maliciously but rather to invoke sympathy.

Why did I write it? Who influenced it?

There were two points in my university life where I was suffering from depression, mostly because I was basing all of my worth on reactions rather than on how I should have perceived myself. Many of the “friends” I had around me contributed to the state of mind I was in at that the time of writing the piece.

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If You Ask

What’s it about?

If You Ask, the shortest piece in my book, is an insight to how I want others to see me. I explain how I react to questions (in this case sensitive/personal questions) and the inconsistencies you can see with each time you ask. It shows how I try to control conversations for the purpose of not having to complicate my thoughts and my image unnecessarily.

Why did I write it? Who influenced it?

 

I identify myself as an introvert. I’m not shy nor anti-social, but rather relish in the time I can spend in solidarity to be one with my thoughts or to recharge after any [overwhelming] social encounters. Without knowing it then, this piece was to reflect that part of me that I never fully understood myself. It peeks into how I avoid misunderstandings and try to maintain an easy interaction with other people. It mostly alludes to how poorly I express myself through speaking versus writing.


Hope you found these snippets insightful if you’ve read the book. If you haven’t and wanna grab a copy of the book, here are the links:

Enjoy!

Collide and Excerpt from Dimensions [Behind the ‘Epiphany’]

Behind the Epiphany

In light of my book promotion,  I’ve decided to release some “behind the scenes” info about some pieces and what led me to write them. (Get Epiphany for free! (Links included) ). All my poems hold specific meanings as they reflect my mental and emotional state at different points in my life during my years in university. So today I’ll focus on two pieces: Collide and Excerpt from Dimensions.


Collide

What’s it about?

Collide is an argument and its aftermath that kinda speaks to the ‘straw that broke the camel’s back‘ when you’re in a relationship. When I wrote it, I imagined it being said by both people in that relationship as if to show that it was a mutual realization that the end had arrived. It represents that moment where exhaustion and regret is much greater than the argument itself and there’s a realization that the will to fight for love (or something close to it) has disappeared.

Why did I write it? Who influenced it?

Honestly, it is based on my last relationship and how I expressed to myself what I honestly felt about where I thought it was going. It was simply a fantasized prediction of an end I had known was inevitable.

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Excerpt from Dimensions

What’s it about?

Dimensions was a short 3-part story of dream-like sequences I released online – read it here – that were just occurrences between the main character (never specified) and a mysterious woman that seems to belong to each ‘dimension’ they visit. It’s a collection I’ve always considered adding on to in the future. It’s one of those pieces I can’t really explain because I never really figured out how to describe it myself. But it was mostly an experiment for me to write something without too much focus on it being overly-meaningful or narrative and rather be as creative as I wanted to be.

Why did I write it? Who influenced it?

I actually used my own experiences to write this piece. I rarely dream these days but when I do, they are very vivid and a bit abstract — sometimes I have no idea what’s going on. I wanted to show the different points on the spectrum that exist when I dream.

This was one of the easiest of all my writings and part one was my favorite so I just had to include it in the book. Over time, my dreaming pattern has become haphazard, so each become new inspiration and I can easily draw on them for new writings. Hopefully, I can restart that series with some entries I never got to write about.


 

I know it isn’t a lot but my thought process is usually as simple as the things I write and I strive to keep that going. I see writing as a way to not complicate everything in my mind; I see it as an escape from the chaos of everyday.

Hope these were insightful if you’ve read them and I hope you get a copy of Epiphany if you haven’t yet. I’ll try to post more of these for the rest of month. Thanks for reading!

Love,

Kerine